The Ballad of Harvey the Elf

from by Cardboard Ox

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lyrics

Harvey the Elf lived at the North Pole
He was a funny little fella with a heart of gold
But all the other elves would laugh and call him names
He had warts on his neck and hair on his nose
An artificial hip, fifteen toes
And a wild side no mother's love could tame

When his shift was over at a quarter to eight
Harvey'd take a walk to Saint Nick's Cafe
And he'd try to charm the lady elves inside
Oooh he'd buy them a drink and ask for a dance
Cause Harvey believed in true romance
And when they turned him down this is what he cried

Oh Jackie, oh Judy, oh Mary Ann and Joan
Oh Myrna, Anita, why won't you take me home?
Not toy with my heart and put me back on the shelf
Life ain't easy for Harvey the Elf

Well it was almost Christmas, the night before
When Santa came knocking on Harvey's door
And said I need a second in command
You've been working so hard in the shop all year
And you've got a way with those old reindeer
I thought maybe you could lend the boss a hand

Harvey was bursting at the news
From the points of his ears to the puffs of his shoes
Then Santa said take the sleight out for a test drive
Harvey harnessed Blitzen and the rest of the gang
And away they flew as those sleigh balls rang
He sang this through the snowy, silent night

Oh Jackie, oh Judy, oh Mary Ann and Joan
Oh Myrna, Anita, you should've took me home
Not toyed with my heart then put me back on the shelf
You could be flying high with Harvey the Elf

Harvey had good intentions but not much sense
So he headed down south to Providence
And landed on the roof of the Hot Club
He thought he'd stop in for a little rest
But as scores of witnesses can attest
An elf in a bar on Christmas eve....gets a lot of love

He had tequila and gin and rum on the house
Spilled Maker's Mark on the barmaid's blouse
By the time the eggnog came he was on the floor
As he swallowed down a shot of Jack
He took a look at the clock and cried "I gotta get back!"
In a flash of green he stumbled out the door

So, everybody knows that Santa's sleigh has no keys, it has no engine. The whole thing is completely reindeer operated. And to get it to start up you have to do one thing and one thing only, which is say the names of the reindeer in consecutive order, like so:

On Dasher, on Dancer, on Prancer and Vixen
On Comet, on Cupid, on Donner and Blitzen

But Harvey was not in full possession of his faculties at this moment. So he climbed onto the rooftop, stumbled headfirst into the sleigh, and this is what he shouted:

On Jackie, on Judy, on Mary Ann and Joan
On Myrna, Anita, why won't you take us home?
We're in quite a fix if I say so myself
Hollered Harvey the Drunken Elf

Well it took a few days and a couple of hours
Even for Santa who has magic powers
To find poor Harvey passed out on the seat
"I ruined Christmas!" Harvey cried in shame
Full of guilt and doubt and blame
But what Santa said then brought him some relief

"Oh at first everybody was in a tizzy
Without new iPads to keep them busy
But then they started to talk and laugh and sing.
Harvey, you might be surprised to hear it
But you unearthed the Christmas spirit
That no material stuff could ever bring."

Santa patted Harvey on the back
And he tucked away his toy-filled sack
They were just about to take off through the trees
But at that moment Santy Claus
Looked down onto the street and paused
He said, "Harvey, let's go have a round on me!"

Oh Jackie, oh Judy, oh Mary Ann and Joan
Oh Myrna, Anita, don't wait up for us at home
If there's a moral to this story, go find it yourself
Just like Harvey the Drunken Elf

May your holiday season be always top-shelf
Just like Harvey the Drunken Elf

credits

from A Cardboard Ox Christmas, released December 19, 2016
Written by Tracie Potochnik
Based on an original story by Edward Potochnik

Tracie Potochnik: Guitar, Vocals, Kazoo
Steve Allain: Guitar, Vocals, Slide Whistle

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about

Cardboard Ox Providence, Rhode Island

Well-established as solo performers in their home state of Rhode Island, Tracie Potochnik and Steve Allain joined forces in the spring of 2014 when Tracie showed up on Steve's doorstep with her mandolin and said, "Let's write a song together!" The two have since formed a duo featuring sweet and soulful harmony, thoughtful musicianship, and delicately crafted lyrical storytelling. ... more

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